Chuck Norris Jokes
Kept us sane and laughing during those dark days of studying. We'd exchange Chuck Norris facts outside the library during break time, and it made sure that everyone went back in with a smile on their face.
- Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
- Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
- There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
- Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
- The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
- Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse.. horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
- When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
- Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
- Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
- Chuck Norris doesn't shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
- On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
- Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
- Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
- Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother's womb.
- Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
- Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
- Chuck Norris doesn't believe in God. God believes in Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
- A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
10 Comments:
LOL - Haven't Laughed like that at an internet list in a while hahhahaha... its all so true *cry's*
I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry (out of fear from Chuck Norris):
Did you ever see that fight scene with Bruce Lee in "Return of the Dragon", where they meet in Rome's Circus Maximus and fight to the death? Here's another fact I figured out about Chuck Norris; Chuck Norris doesn't feel pain when a fist full of hair is pull of his chest. OUCH!
I wonder what ever happened to the kids Chuck Norris threw into the sun? Did they ever circle the universe and come back? Maybe they will in a few thousand years...
Hmm..
I think the reason Chuck Norris lost that fight scene was the cat that was looking at him take on Bruce Lee. That cat was too cute; no one can keep his concentration when a cat like that is nearby.
Chuck Norris can - Chuck norris puts the "ow" in "meow"
Good one Seroo!
Remember, Chuck Norris also put the "laughter" in "manslaughter"..
Hmmmm, here are a few of my favourites from the Good Book of Chuck...
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norrised.
But my all time favourite is seroo's ow in meow
chucks, bikeshed
Here's a few more:
Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
Chuck Norris was sending an e-mail when he realized that it would be faster to run.
A while back, Chuck Norris impregnated the entire population of a convent in Italy. 9 months later, they gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated team in NFL history.
If you introduce your mom to Chuck Norris, your mother will introduce you to your biological father.
Chuck Norris has been dead for 15 years. The Grim Reaper has been too afraid to tell him.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy shit! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
The entire film, Anaconda the Hunt for the Giant Snake, was filmed in Chuck Norris' pants
Haha. More Chuck Norris jokes: Chuck Norris Jokes Blog.
Websites are still popping up with more Chuck Norris Jokes. Yep, they are still going strong.
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